HARRY POTTER HOGWARTS A REVISED HISTORY
by phantomgirl
Summary: harry and ron write hogwarts a revised history for hermione as a christmas present......there mission to make her freak out
1. the founders

HARRY POTTER HOGWARTS A [REVISED], HISTORY  
  
"Harry wake up!" Ron shouted. "What do you want Ron?" Harry mumbled irritated that Ron had woken him up. "We need to get Hermoine a Christmas present" Ron told him. "Get her a book" "She's read them all though." Ron whined. Harry suddenly sat up with a gleam in his eye.[a/n uh oh I have a bad feeling about this..] "We'll write one then." Harry said. Ron stared at him with a blank look on his face then relization dawned on him and he said "How about Hogwarts a,[revised]history?" "Brilliant!" Harry Exclaimed.  
  
CHAPTER ONE: THE FOUNDERS  
  
The four Hogwarts founders were incredibley stupid idiots who were named Godric Gryffindor , Rowena[?] Ravenclaw, Helga Hufflepuff, and Salaazar Slytherin.  
  
They were all stupid idiots. And it is wondered how these four idiots managed to build a school at all. Helga Hufflepuff was a flower peace loving moron who spent all her time hugging trees when she should have been rallying against Slytherin. The reason she should have been rallying against Slytherin is because he is a evil, muggle and muggle-born witches/wizards hateing lunatic who started all the pureblood crap. Like anyone cares about that exept the Slytherins.  
  
Godric Gryffindor was a phycotic lunatic who went around waving his sword at perfectly sane people [unlike him] and challenging them to duels. Since no one in their right mind would ecept his challenges to a duel he got bored and made an incredibly annoying portrate that challenged peaple to duels also.[a/n cough* Sir Codagan cough*]  
  
Rowena Ravenclaw was the most annoying of the four founders because she spent most of her time in the library and always bragged about how smart she was and was constently spouting out facts of historic events to show off her knowledge. In fact she was just pretending to be smart. She was actually the stupidest off them all.  
  
The founders were so concited that they named the four houses after themselves. They actually did nothing all day exept lay around and take pionts off houses that weren't there own other then that they did absolutley nothing to improve the school. It is believed that they resorted to stealing so the professors wouldn't leave to go find a half way decent job somewhere else.  
  
Eventually the four founders left Hogwarts. Slytherin wandered off one day and didn't come back. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff died at the school out off old age. Gryffindor died in a duel against a five year old wizard. That tells you how smart he was. Every one at Hogwarts Witchcraft and Wizardry were very happy when all the founders were gone and they hired a new headmaster/headmistress. And were all very happy .  
  
" Hermione's gonna freak when she reads this" Ron exclaimed happily. "Yeah" Harry agreed "I can't wait to see the look on her face when she reads it." "Yeah but it's going to be hilarius to see her face when she finds out we wrote it at the end" Ron said gleefully.  
  
  
  
A/N so was it good bad great? Please r/r and be nice its my first fic. BYEZ! Remember no flames! 


	2. classes

Disclaimer: I forgot to put this up last chapter so here it is I don't own the hp charecters so don't sue me please  
  
  
  
" Come on lets go write more." Ron pleaded with Harry. "It's not like you care about the book you just want to see Hermione's face when she reads it." " So your point would be?" " O.k. fine let's go."  
  
  
  
CHAPTER TWO: CLASSES  
  
  
  
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry offers many classes. And the professors are the best in England and most students enjoy their classes. The normal classes include potions, transfiguration, herbology, defense against dark arts, history of magic, flying for first years. Hogwarts also offers several elective classes that include divination, care of magical [and sometimes dangerous] creatures, muggle studys, arthimacy, and ancient runes.  
  
Potions is taught by professor Snape. It is also one of the best classes Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has to offer.  
  
" Harry what are you doing!?" Ron hissed. " Hermione hates potions so telling her that it's one of the best classes will get her mad." Harry siad this very slowly as if he was talking to a three-year old. " oh."  
  
All the students love the professor and when we asked some students what their favorite class is most answered " potions".  
  
Transfiguration however is completely different from potions. It is taught by Professor Mcgonagall. Transfiguration is an almost completely useless subject. I mean who wants to spend their valuble time turning roaches into buttons when they could be making potions with Professor Snape?  
  
Herbology is taught by Professor Sprout. It is a nice class that is held in the green houses. Most students enjoy it though maybe not quite as much as they enjoy potions.  
  
Defense against dark arts is rumuored to be jinxed because no professor has lasted more than one year. Other than that this class is a good class MOST of the time. When we asked students who their favorite DADA teacher is most answered Professor Lupin. The other teachers that have taught in that class are Professors Qurrel , Lockhart [ whom no one liked exept a few witches who liked his looks], and Moody.  
  
History of magic is taught by Professor Binns the only ghost to teach in Hogwarts history. This class is completely pointless and extremly boring. Most students use this class to sleep. The authors would like to advise headmaster Albus Dumbledore to get rid of this class.  
  
  
  
Flying classes are avalable only to first years. It is taught by Madame Hooch. And its is in the authors' opinion that this is THE best class Hogwarts has to offer. They would also like to point out that it is not fair that 1] only first years are aloud to have this class 2] they have to ride very bad brooms. The authors would like to tell headmaster Albus Dumbledore to get some decent brooms for the students to ride.  
  
Divination is taught by Professor Trelawny [sp?] who is a true seer and has made many true predictions.  
  
" Yeah like Malfoy is going to be an idiot today." Ron said. " Yup or Snape is going to be a greasy git today." Harry said.  
  
Most enjoy this class with the exeption of those few strange students who spend all their time in the library.  
  
Arithmacy is taught by a professor and it is terribly complicated. No one in their right mind likes this class as it is boring, complicated, and very hard.  
  
Ancient Runes is much the same as Arithmacy. It is taught by a professor and is terribly complicated.  
  
Care of Magical Creatures is currently taught by Hagrid. He sometimes brings in dangerous creatures. [blast-ended skrwets [sp?] but other than that this class is very enjoyable. And all students love it.  
  
Muggle studys is also a completely pointless class. There are rumuors that a muggle-born girl is taking this class. The authors sincerely hope that this is just a rumuor and not true. Other than that this class can teach you some useful things but is quite boring.  
  
" Finaly I was beginning to think that we would never finnish this chapter" Harry complained. " Cheer up now we can write the next one!" Ron exclaimed exitedly sounding oddly like Hermione. Harry: *groans*  
  
a/n did you like it? Please r/r! and thanx to Fireballflier, ???????, coconut-ice agent h/h, shasa perino, and any one else who reveiwed! 


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